i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
