I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
