alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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