two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
