Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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