Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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