OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
