The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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