Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
