my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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