that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
