There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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