So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
