Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize