I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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