I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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