Tell her she can't have a vagina
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
