Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
