Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
