He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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