Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
