fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
