Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
