Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
