not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
