Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dicks are not precious.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
