i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
