you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
