see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
