I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
