u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize