it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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