Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
