I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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