I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize