How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Buhtt sex?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
