just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
