Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
