just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i've created a new STD.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
