I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
