and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
