this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
