Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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