Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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