you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
