he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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