i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
