We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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