I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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