they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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