I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
