If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
