roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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