Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
