This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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