Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
