just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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