how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
