there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
